I’m writing this on Thursday because…well…read on.

OK, I’ve mentioned that I don’t cook, right? Old joke — can’t boil water, blah blah blah.

Well today I attempted to make a lunch that involved an appliance. Namely, the lunch was popcorn and the appliance a microwave. I realize that may not count as lunch to some of you, but that’s not the point.

It caught on fire. FIRE.

I set the thing for 4 minutes (shut up, that’s what the bag said to do!) and ran back to my office. When I went back in after 3 minutes some guy from graphics says “burning…popcorn…” in what can only be described as a Ralph Wiggum voice. If you don’t know what that sounds like, get someone nearby to slap you.

So he opens the nuker and hands me the steaming bag saying “hot…hot”. I lay the bag in the sink because I observe a black spot on the side and figure I’ll let it cool off and see how bad the damage is and if I’ll be able to salvage my “lunch”. Pull the corners. More steam. Wait a few seconds. More steam. When I say more I don’t mean >continued