I’m tired and feeling a little lazy so today instead of writing I’m going to reprint something and throw you a few links. Sound ok? This is the only thing so far today that’s made me laugh…from…where else…The Onion.

June 23, 2004 Volume 40 Issue 25: say something funny

Sixteen things I would be willing to vote for instead of George W. Bush:
- Anal rape
- That scene from Dumbo where Dumbo’s mom cradles him in her trunk and he starts to cry
- Four years of constantly being hit in the genitals with an ax handle by Avril Lavigne
- Avril Lavigne’s music
- A new STD that makes angry hornets spontaneously generate in your anus, and it’s caused by masturbation
- Every time you blink, you crap your pants
- The vague feeling of hopelessness that you get on a rainy Sunday morning when you’ve just fucked someone you shouldn’t, and now you have to think of a way to let them down easy, and you realize that the pain you’ve caused in your life is starting to come back on you threefold, and you can no longer feel joy, and also there’s an under-skin zit inside your nose
- The body odor of a two-pack-a-day cigarette smoker in an elevator
- Vanilla Coke
- Contagious, airborne cancer
- Italian food tastes the way it does at The Olive Garden from now on
- A lost puppy slowly freezing to death at 5:11 a.m. on Christmas
- Reagan’s corpse
- Orgasms can only be reached while listening to “Meet Virginia” by Train
- All children look like Donald Pleasence until they’re 11
- John Kerry

Answer submitted via e-mail. Patton Oswalt’s new album, Feelin’ Kinda Patton, comes out June 29. For more information, go to www.pattonoswalt.com