Thursday, June 24, 2004

Awake at the crack of dawn, scratching furiously at the mosquito bite on my big toe (left foot, for those of you keeping score at home) I contemplated the entry topic for today.

Several that were in the running:
- Geography vs. geography
- Why songs that sell the most are sad
- I love my flip-flops, in iambic pentameter
- Doesn’t it suck when you accidentally reveal a secret in a blog?
- “Computer Bulb”, what is the Special Coating Technology?
- Why God hates me : Parts I, II and III, starring The Muppets

After great debate, I’ve settled on discussing how much of my conversational repertoire consists of movie lines.

In as much as the early 80’s found me employing “what-EVER” and other equally obnoxious Valley Girl jargon, and the 90’s were lousy with lines stolen from the likes of John Hughes stories for the masses, it has since spiraled out of control.

The current phrase I’m locked on is “ohhhhkay…alright….” as uttered by Jennifer Anniston in Office Space (I’ve looked for a sound byte and this one just doesn’t make the list).

As aware as I was of my — “problem” — I had never really stopped to consider the impact of the ~secret language~ on outsiders. As a teen, my brothers hung on to a few movie rentals: Trading Places and The Terminator. In addition to the boys teaching me to identify car makes and models via exposure to their own testosterone game, they also educated me about the comedic value in recalling lines and scenes from movies and quoting them randomly.

When I bumped in to my old coworker John at a Publix a few years ago with his new Lithuanian bride, I realized that my illness was now effecting others. Strangers. I don’t recall the exact contents of the exchange but I do know I made a Sixteen Candles reference and laughed only to be met with a blank stare.

Shit.

All that humor banked was now worthless.

I would have to rely on my own words in order to communicate. Phrases like “…and that was the second time I got crabs…” had become like kryptonite. I’m fairly certain that I broke out into a sweat which was followed by a hasty and clumsy escape.

Was it time for a 12-step program or time to close off our borders?

Neither. I needed to fortify my resources…which brings us here. To a place where nary a verbal exchange takes place that doesn’t involve a citing of bits from a myriad of television or cinema. If you aren’t from my land you may miss the references…but I assure you, they’re there.

Lurking. Fear my wrath. I will make you giggle. Not with my own thoughts or ideas, but with those stolen from others and revisited with poor impressions and bizarre timing.

Although, if you ask Beth, I’m not funny.

Link of the day (from Intern Nick, of course):
BlogLines