If you’ve met my friend Kyle, then you’ve probably heard one of his tales about ingesting dairy only to have it revolt against his body and win each and every battle. If you haven’t met Kyle, you should - listening to him recount in brutal detail stories involving the uprooting saplings and walking out of the woods with no socks after one of these ordeals is…priceless.

What brought this to mind was yet another article in this months’ Mental Floss titled “Milk vs. Lactose-Intolerant People”.

I personally can’t fathom the complications of a life with limited lactose intake. Growing up, the rule of the house was “milk with meals” and to this day, I have milk nearly every night with my dinner (and still hear my mothers voice, but that’s another story).

The article explains that 70% of adults worldwide are lactose intolerant, including approximately 30 to 50 million Americans. It explains that the disorder is caused by the body not producing enough Lactase, and that without it, “milk sugar just hangs out in the colon (unable to be broken down) and ferments (ew!)”. It also goes on to say that “human genes are actually only fit for digesting milk in the first few years of life. Our lactase-making ability stays high unil around the age of five, and then we’re supposed to move on to beer, Red Bull and whiskey”.

On the bright side, “sea-lion milk and that from the duck-billed platatpus won’t harm them in any way. They’re mammals whose milk is almost 100% lactose free.”

So they’ve got that going for them, which is nice.