Last night a dear friend of mine did what we all dread doing – she broke up with a man she still cared for. Courageous by some standards, it left her heart in pieces just the same and there’s almost nothing more tragic than seeing all that could have been fall short when someone you love is involved. They were perfect on paper, but just couldn’t find ~it~ in the real world.

I reminded her time and again through her struggle of all the things she deserves – things we all deserve. That she is worthy of a man that doesn’t leave her guessing. Of someone waiting at the finish line. Of someone who would covertly drop a love note on her windshield or try to write her a song (and not be ashamed when he failed or belted it out off-key). Of someone who the has time, energy and imagination to make her feel as special as she truly is.

The whole thing left me feeling sad and empty, so I rang up my buddy Codie. We talked about the situation and about my friends that e-mail or call for council or for a safe place to reveal, explore and rehash their heartache. Because I’m the expert or because I care? Hard to tell.

Our chat lead to this – my documentation of what I’ve referred to over time as the Geneva Convention of Dating. Seeded by my sister with rule #1 during my formative years and recently contributed to by The C Dog, they’re listed in no particular order and serve to protect you from yourself. I welcome your contributions.

For all -
*Minimum of 6 dates or 6 weeks before sleeping with your new friend (min-i-mum, not a guideline…feel free to wait longer! When has sooner ever really done you justice?)
*4 dates or 4 weeks before a sleepover (cuddling)
*Whining is never acceptable – but disclosure is – disclosure should be handled on date #1
*Don’t ask someone out/accept an invitation if you’re not ready/available (emotionally or otherwise) for a relationship

For the boys -
*2 days between calls is too long if you’re sleeping with or even macking on a regular basis
*Don’t make her ask to see you – if you’re calling her, you’re interested, have the balls to take the leap and risk rejection – and know that she feels far more vulnerable than you do
*Always call the day after the first any intimate encounter
*Bringing dinner over and staying in does not constitute a date (unless candles, flowers and entertainment are also supplied)
*You should know the eye color of your “friend” without looking by the end of the first date
*Chivalry is not dead – men should put thought into dates. Arrive with plans (none of this “what do you want to do” stuff), open her door, have a gift in hand (a single flower of any variety other than a carnation is a fine choice), pick up the tab.

(Follow up posts: GCoD Eleaboration and Foiled Again)