We were all up at a miraculously reasonable hour on Saturday, but only Kim and I made it to breakfast and in doing so had a prime spot to see the Rock Shrimp Festival Parade – which consisted of of a marching band, a fire truck, a perverted mascot, a guy on a tractor and a few hot rod/daily drivers. There was also some random guy with a dog, but I don’t know if he was part of the parade or a cling-on.

After we saw Jessica off we discussed going back to the island given the ugly clouds surrounding us. So we ate more. We walked around the booths, I put on bad sunglasses and made Mick Jagger faces, Kim got her funnel cake and shared it with random teenagers, and then we met John - the nicest man on the planet. Small talk with one of St. Mary’s volunteer finest while we were waiting for Kim to make a decision on which print to buy eventually lead to us agreeing to meet John later for a drink.

Next up: Kim needs a snowglobe so we stop in the gross tchotchke store and I looked for a magnet. “Do they have any ‘classy’ magnets?” “Um, have you seen this store? They have a fake cat with what appears to be real fur.” “Did she just ask if they have classy magnets?”

Ok, so we meet John for a drink and it turns out he doesn’t drink so then we start to talk about food and he suggests a place on Amelia Island / Fernandia Beach. The chick-talk-muttering on the way to his truck went like this (note that by now we’ve discovered he’s a Naval Officer) “are you sure this is a good idea?” “He doesn’t drink so we’re safe with him behind the wheel. Besides, there are 3 of us and I have my triple action defense spray.” So we go, and it’s amazing. If you’re ever in Amelia Island I’ll get you the name of the spot, but what’s important for you to know here is this: some woman should scoop John up. Seriously. We will be pre-screening. Be prepared for grand romantic overtures.

Amelia Island itself is adorable and romantic, with tight streets and charming store fronts, mutant coy and tons of pirates.

After dinner we discussed the possibility of becoming a hobo family while we waited for a train to pass and walked on the beach (since we’d talked Kim out of Cumberland and I was feeling guilty). I reveled in the darkness and the ability to see those white spots in the night sky you can’t see from the city, breaking away from the pack and watching my North Star.

Once back in St. Mary’s, John dropped us at the hotel and walked his patrol (seriously, he really is that good of a guy) and we crashed.

We woke up and drove home with a stop at an outlet mall for good measure. The end.