People who schedule things for anywhere from 11am to 2pm on a Saturday are assholes.

You can’t start anything in the morning b/c you’ll have to stop prematurely, and you can’t do anything in the afternoon b/c they’ve just eaten up half of it.

This includes baby showers, brunch and tennis matches. Other chronic offenders I’m leaving off the list?

I have to argue that despite popular opinion, my boy Sager is in fact not the dumbest man in North America.

Putting my health and sanity on the line in the name of science, I performed extensive research and now present the results to you ungrateful heathens:

He was able to:
~ read my name on his phone display
~ correctly identify the “talk” button
~ coordinate motor skills to press said talk button
~ correctly identify which end of the phone to speak into
~ form coherent sentences
~ offer somewhat sound advice
~ make jokes and pig noises

Now that I’ve documented that my findings are in direct conflict with the opinion of He-who-shall-not-be-named, do you reckon I’ll make the blacklist too? Or do I have to find myself on the ass end of some bogus bureaucratic doping gangbang first?

I wouldn’t be surprised if I was targeted next. I mean, I am the logical choice/target, what with my mad cycling skills and my inability to read control signs that aren’t there.

The most exciting breakthroughs of the 21st century will not occur because of technology but because of an expanding concept of what it means to be human.

John Naisbitt
American Author and Futurist

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, why does it piss me off?

(Origionally posted from March 22, 2006)

I told him about wearing a bell and/or making noise when you’re running around in the woods. I told him that this is one of nuggets of knowledge we were given as children in the great white north - right before crawling under a table during an earthquake and right after not licking the flagpole in the winter.

He looked at me as if I’d mak something like this up, so I defended “it’s for the bears. If they hear you coming, they’ll scurry away.”

“No,” he said. “No, they hear the jingle and think it’s a dinner bell. It’s not a deterrent, it’s a beacon.”

Hmm. He makes an excellent point.

I like to pick up bits of nature and use them in my car as air freshners.