Helen is the kind of place you only have to go once in your life.

It’s a Bavarian inspired village in North Georgia on the cusp of the Unicoi National Forest, a two hour drive from the ATL if you make the trip late Friday rush hour traffic.

My once in a life time visit was out of my system in January when I went with the PFL, but recently a girls weekend called for a cabin with a hot tub, a fireplace and no creepy blue velor couch within a few hours of Atlanta and somewhere Kelly hadn’t been before. Kel is a semi-recent transplant from Boston and after shooting down a half a dozen of her “what about this place” ideas for various reasons. I figured I should suck it up and go to Helen again – because it’s not every day you get to immerse yourself in a real live trashy freak show.

Helen is a place you hear about as a day trip idea when you live in Atlanta, but the stories will never be able to do justice to the sheer volume of crapporiffic wares, abundance of tacky tourists (domestic and imported) or the complete disorientation caused by all that Bavarian architecture being dropped off in the middle of North Georgia by what I can only assume were confused aliens with no GPS.

Flanking Helen are a winery and grist mill on one end and the previously mentioned Unicoi which includes Anna Ruby Falls. Basically, these bits of civility act like the Wonder bread holding all of the crazy in your sandwich.

Surely it’s not the only town in America where you can walk down the street and see a man in too-short sweat pants and white tube socks with Crocs donning a plastic Viking hat, or have a nippletastic Elvis hand you beads from the back of a convertible Caddy – but it might be one of a lesser number where you can experience these things on a day other than Halloween or when there’s a themed parade.

That said, there are a lot of amazing cabins to rent in the area, some absolutely spectacular natural scenes I haven’t been able to photograph with any justice, and a lot of charm in the way Nora Mill operates in a way that honors her traditions. There is also a lovely restaurant near Nora Mill and the winery (notice I’ve barely mentioned it? That’s with reason.) called The Nacoochee Grill that you’d be a fool not to visit if you’re in the area. After having one meal there and being romanced by the decor (you couldn’t ask for more clean, refreshing colors or a more open comfortable floor plan), the quiet, the fresh herbs growing outside the window, the insanely polite wait staff and the uber delicious vittles, we had to go for a second time on our way out of town.

So yeah. This review isn’t much of a review and I’ve already bored myself to tears. The good news for both of us is: I took a lot of pictures.

Summary: Helen, GA
Lodging: Cabins! Prices range between $260 and $500 for a weekend. Don’t ask me for any more details, I’m not your travel agent.
Likelihood of a return visit: 0%
Distance from Atlanta: 93 mi
Do:
- Go with lovely, smart, funny women who will keep you laughing. It will be important.
- Take one lap through town. Don’t miss all the alleys/nooks/crannys. Sample Scupperdine and Muscadine wine. Rinse your mouth out with gasoline (it will taste better than the wine). Get some fudge. Take a picture of yourself in the midst of it all, or on the bank of the Chattahoochee in the plywood cut out. Find the guy “behind” Helen playing what I can only describe as a dulcimer on steroids. I love that man. Note: if you follow the nooks and cranny’s, you’ll find him.
- Go to Betty’s Country Store and spend, spend, spend. The ambiance and style of this charming country store will lull you into parting with your plastic and not caring a bit. Don’t forget the cheap wine.
- Visit Nacoochee Village, eat at the grill and buy some pottery.

Time to visit:
- Early summer before the insects and kids are out
- During the height of summer for some tubing on the part of the Chattahoochee that’s not [as] toxic
- During Oktoberfest