Recently a local young woman went for a hike with her dog in North Georgia.
Not far from Atlanta is where you’ll find the start (or end, either way) of the Appalachian Trail, and that’s near where she set off. Blood Mountain, a place I’ve been a few times for a hearty hike with a good bit of altitude gain and an outstanding view from the crest.
She was out for a hike. She was seen talking with a man in a yellow jacket. She didn’t come home.
Meredith Emerson was found an hour away from where she set out that morning. The details are too tragic and gruesome for me to share if you don’t already know them and in a way I feel repeating them would desecrate her memory.
It’s heartbreaking on a number of levels for active women in Atlanta. Women have been attacked while jogging in town, which while equally tragic isn’t quite as unexpected as the woman who was murdered while riding her bike on the Silver Comet or now, of Meredith Emerson out for a morning hike on the AT.
We feel victimized, even if we weren’t the ones assaulted. We’re pissed that it’s an issue. We’re angry that we should be able to go for a walk/ride/hike without fearing for our personal safety. We’re all too aware that it could have been you, or me, or one of our girlfriends/wifes/sisters. My heart goes out to Meredith’s family, I can’t begin to imagine their grief.
In the wake of the tragic events, it seems most conversations I engage in with my girlfriends winds up here: on the subject of Meredith and the monster that took her life.
I wrote a bit on Metblogs about pepper sprays and self defense classes, but it’s more than that.
First, I can’t say enough good things about the people who remembered seeing Meredith talking to a man in a yellow jacket. If it hadn’t been for their memories of her that morning and their communicating with authorities, she may not have been found. Her family wouldn’t have had closure, her killer wouldn’t be behind bars, and with several other crimes/victims now being tied to this man many other families wouldn’t have closure either. It reminds me to be more aware of my surroundings not just for me, but for you, too.
Second, there’s a wonderful book called The Gift of Fear written by a man named Gavin DeBecker, who is arguably the foremost expert in the US in the field of forensic psychology and runs a threat assessment firm. When I read it several years ago, I immediately bought copies for the women in my life. I encourage you to do the same.
The book puts into perspective on our tenancy as women to unintentionally put higher priority on being polite and not hurting someones feelings than listening to our inner warning sirens, thereby stepping on our instincts. I have no idea what happened to Meredith, all I know is that she was seen talking to this man and given the wonderful, good natured smile I’ve seen hear wearing in photographs, she was probably being polite when he asked her a question or the dog he had with him sniffed her dog. I don’t know.
Last but not least, as a tax paying citizen, I’m pissed. Jail was intended for individuals to be rehabilitated. There is no hope for this man. Spiritually, perhaps. Socially, no. I don’t want my hard earned dollars I’m already bitter at the government for taking too many of to be pissed away on feeding and housing this man. I struggle with my anger as it relates to him being fed when I’d rather see my money deferred to those who need it and deserve it. I struggle with what I’d like to see done to him inasmuch as I’d like to see all sex offenders castrated.
So yeah, I’m one of them. I’m pissed.
What can I do? I can be aware. I can be prepared. I can keep doing the things I love, and not let The Boogy Man get the better of me. Fuck The Boogy Man. I’m old enough that I don’t have to sprint from the light switch to the spot on the floor I can leap from to land in the bed without risk of having my ankle grabbed by the monster under my bed and I’ll be damned if he’s going to own me.
I’m not going to let these events scare me, rather I’m going to let them enlighten and improve me.
10 Jan 08
4:13 pm
Thank you for expressing a bit of what I’ve been feeling. Since the first news of her disappearance I’ve been both sad and angry. Sad that this has happened yet again and angry that it will happen again. I hate that having been born with a vagina immediately sets my status as “vulnerable”. I hate that as a woman I have to be constantly aware of my surroundings. I hate that as a woman there will never be a time in my life when I can just ‘take a walk’ without the teeniest tiniest sliver of anxiety being present. I am not a victim, I will not be a victim, yet I still carry the anxiety and sometimes fear. I hate that in a way that words can not adequately express.
10 Jan 08
5:35 pm
Bravo to both of you for expressing so eloquently the emotions many women in Atlanta experienced this week.
I’m adding The Gift of Fear to my Good Reads “to read” shelf.
Word.
10 Jan 08
6:03 pm
Thanks for the tip on the book, im going to get a copy for myself and my girlfriends on my way home tonight! you are so right in saying that so often women take the instinct of politeness and quieten their intuition. and its sad to think that it most likely was her kindness that got her killed. so unfair and unjust.
10 Jan 08
7:19 pm
Sad, sad story. I think (KNOW!) Henry Rollins had it right when he suggested on an old spoken word cd I have that all women should have a beautiful (or not) shoulder holster with a nice, powerful pistol. I empathize with losses like this and it affirms my feeling for women (or anyone for that matter)… It’s kill or be killed. And, btw, all sex offenders should be de-balled and put in a small box to die just deep enough in the earth that they can’t be heard.
10 Jan 08
7:31 pm
It’s not just women…if the police are right, this freak also killed an older couple. Everyone has a right to be safe, especially those (be they women, children, older persons, or those with disabilities) who make be at a physical disadvantage,
The Gift of Fear is a great book. Gogityewone.
10 Jan 08
9:54 pm
Perfectly said.
11 Jan 08
9:14 am
My must read pile just grew.(thankyouverymuch!)
Things like this will forever happen and we will forever wonder why. Sadly, the old saying of ‘what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger’, comes to mind. If one person is saved by reading the book you mentioned or from reading the facts of this case, then at least a wee-tiny bit of good will come out of this. I hate to use the word ‘good’ because of what it implies, but I’m lacking for a more proper word.
It is what it is.
Which is sad.
11 Jan 08
11:28 am
I have to agree with the seester. While us females are viewed as the weaker, more vunerable gender..this world is a sick sick place and we find that children and elderly are just as victimized. Too many child abductions from school busstops and too many elderly beatings/killings from robberies gone bad.
We should feel safe in going out to exercise (whatever form you choose) and enjoy the beauty of nature and your surroundings. But for that matter, we should feel safe in going to the local mall or grocery store. And we’re not…even in the most common PUBLIC places. While in high school (and mind you this was *cough cough*…TWENTY years ago) a girl was abducted from a shopping plaza parking lot, right in front of an Eckerd’s during the day (late afternoon early evening). She had went to go pick up her paycheck. Never seen alive again. Her keys were found in the door with her drink on top of the car!!!!!
I am just as guilty of not being aware of my surroundings all the time. And I believe it has to do with the rush rush that we have made of our lives. Our brains are always on overload of what we need to do next and moving forward that we don’t focus on the right now. Take the time and slow down just for a minute when you are out alone…it may save your life!!!
I think I will check into getting that book as well. I have a sixteen year old daughter…….
11 Jan 08
11:50 am
Well said.
I’ve been peeping your site out here and there. Los was right. Good stuff.
Peace
C
11 Jan 08
8:37 pm
Learn to use and carry a firearm, ladies. Especially in nature. Bears and other animals are dangerous, as well as roving psychopaths.
I’m not sure why it hasn’t been even mentioned yet in a comment or the post.
11 Jan 08
10:17 pm
@Phil – WTF? Do I live on the Gaza Strip?
Why, in 2008, should I *have* to pack heat? Growing up in Alaska and walking in the woods to school every day I have no doubt I can do what it takes to keep bears at bay.
I think the reason it hasn’t been mentioned yet is because it *HAS* been mentioned by omission. There’s no reason I should *have* to.
Did you actually happen to read what I wrote and the subsequent comments before you threw in your $.02?
11 Jan 08
11:35 pm
No, if you lived in Gaza, you’d either be military police (and have an issued weapon) or a resident and thus have a rock.
You don’t *have* to do anything. Its your right to own and carry a pistol. Its also your right not to.
But you should, since you are afraid of being attacked in Atlanta. You want to be prepared, (“What can I do? I can be aware. I can be prepared. I can keep doing the things I love, and not let The Boogy Man get the better of me.”) learning to use and having a gun is the best prepared you can be to defend yourself.
The events I have read regarding the horrible situation, could have been avoided if she had the means to defend herself.
And yes, I read what you wrote, and I’m very surprised that someone who (subtly) recommends the death penalty versus incarceration for criminals, you are so indignant about my mention of a (God forbid!) firearm.
12 Jan 08
12:22 am
If she was armed…she might not have been able to get to it in time to defend herself (assuming she was carrying concealed). He might have disarmed her. She might have dropped the gun while trying to get to it, or while running away. It might have jammed or misfired. She could have missed. Her dog might have knocked it out of her hand. It might have been too hard to use, considering this guy apparently works with a knife. Carrying a weapon is just one option, and not one guaranteed to work – against any kind of wild animal, including psychos. Arming Meredith Emerson may not have made her any safer at all.
Maigh’s point is that it’s outrageous that we should even have to think of arming ourselves just to take a walk in the woods. It is sad and frightening and infuriating that pursuing even the simplest of pasttimes puts some of us at risk.
BTW, Phil, nice to sort an entire population into two groups: armed military police and peasants who throw rocks.
12 Jan 08
1:00 am
@your seester: Okay…so your point is that her slim chance of survival went up to a chance of defending herself? I think thats pretty good..from nothing to something.
One report I read, she was locked in the back of this guy’s van for some period of time, still alive and possibly conscious. That would have been an excellent time for a firearm.
Is there something negative about being prepared? Thats what I don’t seem to understand…its as if carrying a weapon to defend yourself when you go into a dangerous situation (and yes, going into a place where police can’t get to you would be a dangerous situation) is some sort of negative. I’m not suggesting carrying a Howitzer…a pistol, when hiking, wouldn’t be much more of a burden than carrying a cell phone.
Maigh even mentioned pepper spray. Some seasoning in the eye isn’t going to stop an assailant.
Oh and I thought my accurate description of the Gaza Strip was better than the assumption that “If you have a gun to protect yourself, you live in the Gaza Strip”.
12 Jan 08
9:52 am
Wow! Ya’ll were busy while I was sleepin’!
Alright, let’s back up a moment.
First, I think my brother suggested a firearm before you did, via the Henry Rollins quote.
“But you should, since you are afraid of being attacked in Atlanta.” Kinda half accurate, but points out I may not have explained something quite right. I carry the triple spray when I run in Atlanta…and I’m not entirely worried about myself. I’m aware and I’m safe. The point was that when I’m on a hiking trail communing with nature I shouldn’t be as worried as I am in the city. It pisses me off that that sanctity has been tarnished.
Nothing negative about being prepared, but it’s truly upsetting that “get a gun and learn how to use it” to go for a hike or a bike ride would ever be a suggestion. It’s disgusting and disappointing and proof that my world is an uglier place than it was just a few years ago.
As for the Gaza Strip line, you know it was an extreme reaction for impact. I could just as easily have named any gamg banging city in America.
The point is: I’m outraged.
At risk of over simplifying, I offer this: As a man, I’m sure you know it’s never a good idea to start telling an outraged woman what to do (carry a gun), and when dealing with one that’s fired up one should choose words carefully.
To me, your comment read: “your feelings are invalid. Shut up and get a gun.”
That said, I do understand where you’re coming from…I’m not sure you understand where I am coming from.
I’m not sure you – or any man – will ever be able to comprehend the real emotional impact this has had on thousands of women. Getting a gun is *a* response, I’m just not sure it’s the right one.
Hopefully that made sense. It’s early, I’m angry, and I haven’t finished my first cup of coffee yet.
12 Jan 08
10:22 am
Oh oh, and my seester is right: getting a gun and knowing how to use it (I fall in both camps) is not the end all be all answer.
12 Jan 08
11:30 am
You seem to have a calmer response to me when you’re tired and haven’t had your coffee yet.
I definitely did not mean “Shut up and get a gun”. I understand you’re upset, I understand that being “alone in the woods” no longer means that and its shitty.
I also never said a gun was the end all/be all answer.
I just believe if more people were able to stop violent crime in progress, there would be less of it overall. And a solution to being scared is to protect yourself from your fears, not to wish they’ll go away.
14 Jan 08
8:59 am
“You seem to have a calmer response to me when you’re tired and haven’t had your coffee yet.” – I get that a lot…
You’re right, if we could stop it in progress, there would be less. I also believe we can do that in ways that don’t involve bullets: like not talking on our cell phones when we’re wandering around alone so we’re aware of what’s happening around us, like looking people in the eyes instead of looking past them when they make us uncomfortable and by listening to our instincts. What can I say? Somewhere not so deep down, I’m a hippie that way.
21 Jan 08
7:50 am
Perhaps what the authorities are telling us is wrong. Be passive. Don’t fight back. Do what he tells you.
Well I think they like that a lot.
What if a lot of women were carrying guns? What if women could help each other by shooting her gun when she saw someone being dragged into the bushes. What if 90% of women in Atlanta carried guns?
I believe the men who do this kind of crime would move away from a place where they may get shot.
When I speculated this my wife said “There would be a lot less men around”. I think we could use a lot less of that kind of men around.
As for the comment that its an uglier world than it was a few years ago… well, perhaps its always been an ugly place and we
can all no longer ignore it.
I think you are right about feeding and housing lifetime criminals. What signal do we send when the worst thing that can
happen to them is free room and board for the rest of their lives?
Nothing in our justice system says we have to keep them around for 10-20 or more years while they file endless appeals and we pay for both the prosecution and the defense! That just doesn’t make sense.
The jails and prisons are filled to max and more because we can’t seem to bring ourselves to deal with them.
There is no rehabilitation for those types of criminals. Statistics show that most crimes are done by repeat offenders.
It sickens me every time I see a news story about some man who
killed his ex after being arrested over and over for violation
of a restraining order, or a murderer who was released to kill
again, or a child molester who gets out of prison on probation
and heads for the nearest playground or schoolyard.
Wake up. I wouldn’t miss any of them. One strike and you’re out.
Murderers have no right to life. They give theirs up when they
take an innocent life.
They should pay for their crime. I mean, stealing a car means
part of the sentence is that they work while in prison to
pay for the car. Part of the release is total restoration.
This isn’t cruel and unusual treatment. It just makes sense.
21 Jan 08
12:53 pm
Larry: srsly?
Here’s another option: What if parents raised their sons to respect women? What if we raised our daughters to respect themselves? What if we treated each other like we were all human?
I understand your frustration…but I can’t wrap my mind around the idea that it’s a woman’s job to arm herself and go vigilante on men to make more room in the prisons, because something else is broken. And I certainly don’t think the authorities are telling me to submit.
Sure, I’ll take self-defense classes. I’m not crazy. But I’d rather work on judicial reform, poverty issues and the educational system than buy a gun so I can thin the herd if I’m attacked.
21 Jan 08
1:27 pm
Seester…
You have a right to your opinion and I respect that.
I appreciate the fact that you can take a self defense class.
Can you stand guard for those who can’t?
Judicial reform? Didn’t we try that in the 60’s?
Poverty issues and Education- I’m 100% behind you on that!
Raising your kids to respect others, yes! yes! yes!
But would you agree that there are some men who, regardless of their education, upbringing, nurturing, social status, are just plain evil? Would you say there are some people who steal, rob, rape, murder without conscience? Psycopaths?
It is up to the authorities to protect us I believe. I belive the judicial system is there to protect us too.
Its just not happening. Police women carry a weapon. Other women do too. My sister does. You are raised in a culture that says its wrong for a woman to carry a weapon.
Tell me you still won’t be carrying a weapon if something happens to you (god forbid) or a child of yours, or a close relative or friend.
By the way I don’t own or carry a weapon.
22 Jan 08
1:26 am
Well, Larry, I’ll admit, you’ve got me thinking. I don’t believe in evil, but I do believe there are some pathologies so toxic that rehabilitation is impossible. I do believe that we pay taxes to pay the salaries of those who are charged with protecting us from crime, as well as the salaries of those who pursue criminals who slip through. I agree that the system often fails.
I just can’t accept – today – that my best contribution to a broken system is to arm myself. It just makes me too sad. It feels like surrendering, and playing by the bad guys’ rules, rather than raising the level of civilization. You may be right. But I’m not ready.