Breaking up with girlfriends isn’t any easier than breaking up with a boy you dated 2.2 times or 2.2 years. In most cases I’ve found the conversations considerably more difficult and have come out on the other end with a greater sense of grief and loss.

We all have people we’ve drifted apart from over time. Priorities change, babies arrive, job opportunities are chased cross country, new loves or hobbies consume. Hakuna Matata.

What has challenged me a few times in so many years has been arriving at the place where you realize the person isn’t good for you, or you’re not good for them, or that things have shifted in such a way that the relationship isn’t what you signed up for and it’s best to walk away.

I’m fascinated by the unique way individuals handle stressful situations, how different our experiences are and how much I can learn from others successes as well as their mistakes.

What I’m interested to know is this: have you ever broken up with a friend? Do you drift off/begin memory sanitization sequence? Do you have a candid conversation? Does it depend entirely on the situation/the person/duration of the friendship or how ballsy you’re feeling?

Do tell, I want to learn.

This post has 8 comments.

  1. Mish
    24 Jan 08
    11:48 am

    ook, so yesterday we are on the same page about “cry therapy” and now we flip the page and start talking about “friend breakups”. We REALLY do need to do lunch or dinner or something before/after our yearly 5am “BC awareness/service to the community”!!!! LOL!!

    For me your last sentence is the most important. Could very well be that the friend is feeling the same way or can feel that something has changed. I know for my situation, my friend has mentioned to me a change (weren’t talking as much). I’m a wuss and gave excuses (i.e. I’m busy, kids, work, tired, blah blah blah). When the reality is…I don’t agree with her third marriage & have a funny feeling about the husband. So how do you tell your friend (I’ve known her 20+ years) that you got warning bells going off in your head whenever you were around him??? That you think she rushed into it and has made a poor decision?? *shrugs*

    anyway, back to you. Think about this person and what you feel (gut) would be the best option on how to deal. As far as how ballsy, depends on how you decide to DO the breaking up..(i.e. email, letter, face to face, text message…LOL!!).

  2. Maigh
    24 Jan 08
    11:59 am

    I swear, they’re not related! This is actually a topic I’ve had in draft form for a few months and I didn’t have much time today to write, so I dug it up. :)

    Yours is a tough one – been there, done that. I don’t envy you. Bleh.

    Me? I’ve had girlfriends I’ve actually had the “I want to break up with you because…” conversations b/c they didn’t *get* the drifting. I had one that called me at the office, yelled at me for something she got half a story on (and spun, at that) and hasn’t spoken to me since. I’ve also had some I just let drift. Again, I say: Hakuna Matata. Life is. It doesn’t stop.

    I guess my curiosity is primarily about how others interact and fundamentally how – if it was you – you’d want it handled.

    If there was no fault, or if there was a clash of morals or, or, or.

  3. Mish
    24 Jan 08
    12:51 pm

    Oh I didn’t mean that they were related. just that we seem to be having the same issues. LOL!!

    oh well I “get” the drifting thing. now. not so much when I was a teenager. I would only want to be confronted if it’s something I did or said that is making the person not want to be friends with me or something. Other than that, I believe in the “time and space and place for everything”……….

    somehow I don’t think I’m hitting your mark..

    i feel like a dangling participle…LOL!! maybe I need food…going to get lunch. LOL!!

  4. Is this a trick question? I have my “staff meeting” in an hour and even through DH is going to be the primary I was sick about it all last night. I see some cry therapy in my future.

    In general, I am a fan of the drifting. A conversation implies a negotiation, and if you’ve already made up your mind, why waste their time (and yours) by saying things no one wants to say, really, and no one in their right mind would want to hear. Hakuna Matata indeed.

    Besides, more than once I’ve drifted back.

  5. evan
    24 Jan 08
    8:52 pm

    i love ur clean site design.
    envy.

  6. brody
    25 Jan 08
    10:54 am

    I like to fade away. your seester has the best explanation of why I do that.

  7. Tiffany
    26 Jan 08
    10:35 am

    I think it depends on who you’re breaking up with. If it’s somebody who is content to fade away, I let it fade. If she’s a continuing presence, I waffle between trying really hard to fade and having the talk. If she’s caused me harm, in any way, I have the talk. It’s hard to tell someone that they are toxic to you, but sometimes they have to know the consequences. Any time I have “the talk” or when a fader calls, I always have a small aneurysm.

  8. And of course, you can always have an attorney do it for you. They don’t seem to mind, as long as you keep it under a few hours.