My mother used to clear her throat and pantomime when I took a bite of food and didn’t put my fork down while chewing. She’d dial the phone for me to call people to thank them for gifts, and coached me into being gracious. She’d ignore me if I didn’t say “please” when requesting anything from a glass of milk to the green crayon. She’d give me look that may or may not have been responsible for the Hindenburg if I ever interrupted her when she was talking to another adult. My job was to stand and remain silent until she finished speaking, and to only speak when she turned to me and asked me “what is it?”.
I’m pretty thankful for Mom’s Accelerated Finishing School, even if I did get swatted more times than I’d like to remember and huffed off a lot, feeling oppressed. I can’t begin to imagine trying to function as an adult without having had such a wonderful guide in my youth. No one likes a Goop, and with Grover as my witness, we’re raising a whole generation of ‘em.
Sure, we mocked our parents for the “when I was your age, I’d walk 17 miles to school, up hill both ways” stories and I suppose I’ve finally reached that age too…so here’s mine:
When I was a little one, I’d bang on pots or pans or Tupperware with a wooden spoon to entertain myself. My brother and I would make a fort out of an old cardboard box or by flipping the couch on it’s side and spreading a blanket over top. I’m thankful for that, because it taught me to use my imagination and find beauty in common objects. We had a standard set of toys and didn’t frequently ask for the new whiz-bang bit we saw during the Saturday morning cartoon commercial breaks. We learned to be happy with what we had, not to “need” the newest/shiny/fancy toy.
I’d have conversations with my parents in the car instead of being pushed off on an electronic babysitter ala DVD/handheld game. I’m thankful for that, because it made me feel loved and valued, and it stimulated my mind and honed my ability to communicate. Granted, it was a trek to even hit the local grocery store then, off the hillside and down to the University Center Safeway (those of you from AK know what I mean), so my folks had little choice but to talk…that’s not the point.
When I was a kid, my parents also used to say “children should be seen and not heard”. I knew full well what they really meant by that, and am thankful because as an adult, I’m able to control myself in meetings and dinner parties. Knowing how to wait my turn and suppress some energy (when appropriate) means I won’t [frequently] annoy colleagues/friends by being the impulsive.
By the looks of things, the generation that my generation is giving birth to will be raised with a complete and utter absence of rules, boundaries, and imagination. These are the children standing on their seats in restaurants, fighting for independence by wandering off in public places (then being jerked back and scolded), interrupting adult conversations, and chewing with their mouths open.
I worry this will be the generation of DVD in the car kids, who can’t use their imaginations to solve a problem when they grow up. Who want problems to be as repeatable and predictible as they are on a PS2. Who won’t know what to do with themselves when someone isn’t force-stimulating them. Who can’t improvise. Who thinks the world should cater to them.
Now it’s entirely possible that the coddling [that I think is so rampant, but may not be] will have a completely different result, one that’s lovely and shows my own lack of imagination and brings the world to a better place.
I hope so. I hope we’ll level out and relax. Realize giving them everything isn’t the same as - or important as - just giving them love. Realize just maybe, what our parents did for us was *just right*, because you and me? I think we turned out just fine.
(Note: I’m fully aware this is a sweeping generalization. There are plenty of amazing mom’s out there who are creative, constructive, hands on women. Alas, these are not typically the families I encounter in public, or in private.)
18 Jul 08
11:05 am
oh man you don’t even KNOW how many times the hubster and I have had conversations just like this!! And with the creation of reality shows like “Super Nanny” and “Nanny 101″ it’s amazing to me that some parents feel the need to reach out like this. Granted some of that crap is probably scripted but like you said…just go out to your local restaurant, mall or Walmart and you will realize that maybe it is all really just like we said. Although I will have to add that I have/had an ADD child (he’s 18 now) and it was NOT fun to go to the store or any place with him….it was draining!! I wish I did have that personal DVD player to keep him occupied.
Technology is an amazing thing. It’s absolutely awesome to see some of the things that are being invented these days. But the one thing I’ve noticed is the way technology has been impacting our lives throughout the years. Way back when, I believe that technology was useful in the way that it was supposed to limit your time doing certain things so that you WOULD have time with your children (washing machines, dishwashers, microwaves…) now it seems like they are a distraction to society and the family unit (internet, video games, electronic games, personal dvd playes and for the teenager..CELL PHONES and TEXTING!!).
I guess it’s just more proof that we humans can take something good and beat it and abuse it til it’s unrecongizable from it’s original form.
18 Jul 08
12:53 pm
[...] And speaking of kids, what’s on Maigh’s mind today is the loss of manners and how so many parents use television and computer games, [...]
18 Jul 08
1:46 pm
okay, first i have to say amen.
then i have to say, uhh…you “flipped the couch on its side”? how little WERE you? not THAT little methinks, unless you turned green and musclebound when angry. tee hee.
we had a television sign up sheet. honest to god. 2 hours per child PER WEEK. and yes, that included saturday morning cartoons. if you were caught watching t.v. and it wasn’t on the sign up sheet (conveniently located on top of the set), you lost ALL priveleges for that week and the next. i routinely picked happy days, laverne & shirley (tuesdays nights at 8:00, thankyouverymuch) and 1 hour of the bugs bunny/road runner hour on saturday. thankfully my bro picked the other hour and sometimes you didn’t get in too much trouble for watching your sibling’s “t.v. time”. so on a good week, we got four hours total, if nobody was checking too closely.
18 Jul 08
4:19 pm
OMG…this is just what a police officer and I were talking about at work today - the attitude and lack of manners of children today. It’s 2 weeks and 5 days ’til the kids start school up here…and I’m sure I’ll have to bite my tongue quite often especially since capital punishment is not allowed in our school system (yes, I already confirmed that).
18 Jul 08
4:32 pm
Nice pic of us! I’m thankful to recall those times often… and thankful we had Mom and Dad guiding us. I’m a menace like Mom was at meal time - “Sit up in your chair… We’re not camping!” “Hold your fork correctly - you’re not a monkey!”. I also see the benfit in other areas of life that you note. Fortunately for our kids, they aren’t growing up like the children of the teenage/twenty-something emotional infants we see in public. Makes me cry inside to see the prison those dreadful parents make for the precious child.
19 Jul 08
7:00 am
I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have thought, expressed my feelings, and downright argued over this topic over the past 20 years. I feel it began in the late 80s. I remember speaking to my undergrad student adviser - I wise old gentleman set in his ways. I was walking down the hallway when I saw him standing outside his freshman government class. I stopped and as we caught up on what one another were doing, he told me how “today’s incoming students” (circa 1988-89) were the laziest, most spoiled brats he had ever come across. He retired 2 or 3 years later.
I know there are excellent - no, superior - students/young adults out there. My only hope is that THEY are tomorrows leaders, no matter the size of the minority they are in. The rest of them can pump whatever fuel we’ll be using in the future.
20 Jul 08
3:35 pm
Well raised people have well raised children*, it’s just a shame that more and more well raised people choose not to have children.
*: If we all take out one mistake our parents did in our upbringing we’ll be on the right path, do not let stupidity be hereditary!
25 Jul 08
8:29 am
amen, sister.