I remember sitting on his bed when he was barely strong enough to get himself out of it, hunched over more than usual and in sweatpants and a tee that hung off him like he was a walking hanger.
He muttered “see what eating all that broccoli got me?” and started with his contagious belly laugh. Pancreatic cancer had taken his hair and his body, but was no match for the twinkle in his eye or his sense of humor.
I suppose a several years back when I went through this the first time I thought if I did this and that I could prevent more icky bits from growing in my boobs. Walking the 2-day, spending a little extra on the license plate, running more, raising awareness. Eh. *shrug*
I was wrong. Like dad with the broccoli.
I’m still certain it’s nothing, and I’m positive everything I did was right and for the right reasons and resulted in GOOD, but when they say they want you to come back for a biopsy you can’t help but think “well, here we go again…” and after a few minutes of “shit shit shit, stupid body! Why don’t you ever listen to me!? I told you I didn’t want anymore of those!” you take it for what it is: an adventure and a message and an opportunity.
So I’ll keep doing what I’ve been doing. Living with as much gusto as I can manage, loving as freely as I can, listening too closely to the spontaneous part of my spirit and generally being boisterous and outspoken.
I’m good, I’m good. Shaken maybe, but not stirred…and by Monday afternoon I fully expect you’ll see me bouncing around saying stupid crap like “merely a flesh wound!” then we’ll get the reports that confirm all is well in boobieville and nothing will have changed, you see, because I’ll still be who I was and who I am: a pain in the arse with a big mouth and an overly ripe mushy heart who needs to write more.
24 Mar 09
5:02 pm
***HUGS***
24 Mar 09
5:17 pm
You are a beautiful person Meigh!
24 Mar 09
9:48 pm
Thanks for sharing all the good, the bad and the scary, Maigh!
Your open and positive attitude is quite the lesson for me — that and regular appointments!
24 Mar 09
10:58 pm
Wow, Maigh. Interesting times indeed. Add my voice to the chorus of good thoughts and well wishes. Didn’t think it was possible to have an even higher opinion of you than I do already… goes to show how little I know.
Much love and respect..
O
24 Mar 09
11:25 pm
Good luck. Maybe your boobies just want to be considered more as individuals than a pair.
25 Mar 09
11:12 am
I love you for your pain in the arseness, your big mouth and your overly ripe mushy heart. You are loved and in the thoughts of many. Pushing all my positivity towards you on Monday.
25 Mar 09
12:10 pm
Hang in there, poodle. Love you.
25 Mar 09
12:38 pm
Hey Peanut–hope all went well at your visit on Tuesday—Love & hugs
xoxoxooxxoxoo
25 Mar 09
3:32 pm
I just got the message that my 3 biopsies from last week came back fine. Hope (and assume) all will be well for you as well!
25 Mar 09
7:57 pm
well, okay. you can miss the run this week.
thinking about you and sending good mental stuff your way.
26 Mar 09
1:57 pm
Hugs & thoughts to you, Maigh.
And all I can say is that I kept thinking of that new tat you got….that it fits you perfectly….this was written & I know you are living this latest with grace
Hugs again, you.
27 Mar 09
6:39 pm
Kick it’s butt!
31 Mar 09
1:15 am
You’re tougher than that shit. Go forth and conquer.