Next Friday afternoon I’ll board a plane for Ireland and all I can think of – besides “omgwtf I haven’t even started packing” – is “omgwtf am I doing, I’m going to die. The Mc won’t even be with me and we’ll never get to build the cabin and I still haven’t gone swimming with turtles and who will give the boys mani-pedis and and…”
I blame him completely.
Apparently nearly 4 years of being with a man who gets hives at the mere mention of boarding a plane has turned me into a ragingly unstable, paranoid lunatic.
Never having thought of myself as an easily influenced person let alone a person easily influenced via the osmosis like transmission neurosis of her partner, I am disgusted. Disgusted, disheartened, confused, lost, disturbed, a little pale though reasonably well groomed, and oh, did I mention disgusted?
My mental bags are packed. The itinerary is set, passport and car rental and plane tickets all printed and waiting to be put into a yet to be determined piece of luggage. Am I avoiding packing because I’m inexplicably freaked out or because my tripod won’t fit in my wheely bag and I’m frustrated I’m going to have to go buy another one?
I’ve always adored travel! (see exhibits a b, c, etc.) Especially solo travel (though this trip won’t be solo it also won’t be with The Mc) and travel to far away beautiful places and omgwtf I’m bringing my camera with me this time and last time all I had was a half dozen shaksy disposables and it’s going to be awesome…so could someone please tell me what filthy bar toilet seat I picked these voices up from so I can go back and sue the cleaning service?
Did the plane landing on the Hudson and the chopper colliding with a small plane and countless others falling from the sky screw me up, or can I legitimately blame The Mc?
I ask because blaming him is easier to stomach than me just getting old and scared all by myself. I’m not capable of such heinousness.
So here I go, typing it all out hoping that talking about The Boogyman (capitalization is called for in a case such as his) will make him less real and keep my plane in the air.
Quick. Someone. Validate me!
29 Aug 09
9:26 pm
Now just calm down. I think you are getting upset for no reason – other than I think you are going to miss having the Mc with you. Sharing such a special place with him would make you feel safe. We can’t control what happens to us day to day. Just live your life daily with kindness and compassion and love, as I know you do. If you do this everyday, you will be blesssed everyday and IF some disaster occurs, of which you have no control over, you will be rewarded for what you have done and how you have lived. Give Mc a hug and a kiss, ask him to face his fears, and maybe he can change and then join you for a fabulous ride somewhere. Wish I was going with you. Enjoy connecting with your roots. I will pray for you while you are gone. (Pack a rosary and some holy water for good luck).
Cathy
29 Aug 09
9:30 pm
Err…well…you did call them “shaksy” disposables so methinks he has some influence…
30 Aug 09
12:12 pm
nah. you’re just a freak.
30 Aug 09
4:04 pm
Awww! You’ll be fine – maybe it’s just the fact that it’s been a while combined with those other things. You know, i have a book that talks about all the details about why planes fly if it’ll make you feel any better and it’s a super quick read.
Lemme know!
It’ll be fucking awesome and you’re gonna take some amazing photos! I can’t wait for you to come back just so I can see them!
31 Aug 09
2:43 pm
So, let me start out by saying that this is not the same, but it is. See? Doesn’t that help my credibility?!
Anyway….both kids in school all day now, summer session winding down, and a new school/work year on deck, I found that I needed to clear my head and get my nose back on straight. I decided a day at the beach by myself was just what I needed. I could have used many more. But one was all I felt good about taking. Now, as I said this isn’t the same, but it is. As I was not flying across the Atlantic. All I wanted to do was sit by it for awhile….BUT. The night before, as I was getting my stuffs packed, I began to freak out a little. I mean FREAKED about heading out all by my big-girl self. It was totally irrational. And totally not.
See, the thing is we are creatures of habit. Neither you nor I must not be used to the life we used to have. And that is OK. But you know what? It’s just like riding a bike.
Even if it is just for a little while….
ENJOY!
31 Aug 09
8:20 pm
We’re totally good, I can fly a plane.
01 Sep 09
5:36 pm
You are hereby validated. Your parking, too.