Once upon a time, I cared what the things I wrapped for Christmas looked like. I wanted to wrap like Martha, with perfect corners and tape so ideally placed its like a wisp of smoke: magic! You know…the beautiful paper that was tasteful, but colorful – whimsical but classy? You know. Martha.

There was a time I got close enough to see its zip code: I’d learned to size the paper for minimal waste, to fold those corners damn near perfectly and curl the crap out of some ribbon. That was about five years ago, in a time I fondly refer to as the “When I Still Gave a Crap” era which was ended with the “Before I Realized I Sucked at it and There Was No Use” milestone.

2006 may have been the last time I really tried and I justify the absence of effort since deftly: if I love you, then you love me and you know me and you get that it’s not about my wrap job scoring a 10 with the Russian judge, it’s that love thing.

This year, I wrapped half his presents in brown paper with packing tape…but I admit I still used pretty ribbon.

Maybe I only half quit?