The usually alarmist posting style of WebMD let me down when trying to diagnose The Mc at 3am Sunday morning.
What their timid article about our friend FP should really say is: “Those suffering from food poisoning will frequently clutch their stomachs, beg for death and run unexpectedly towards any object that might serve as a receptacle for their projectile vomiting.”
It should continue on to say that people in the throes of poisoning can be quoted as saying “oh God…oh God… oh God… oh God…honey, it hurts … oh God… oh God…”
That would have made it much easier to diagnose, which is key in treatment. I mean, I could treat him for something else, like lice, but I’m not sure the desired effect would have been reached.
With regards to treatment, the article should list the following:
Things you should *not* do:
- Allow the barfer to consume liquids within 30 minutes of last explosive episode
- Give the barfer Emotrol, Pepto or Immodium
Things you should do:
- Call your health insurance nurse line after the second “episode”. Do not wait until five hours later when the sickling is finally ready to accept defeat against the unseen
- Take copious notes so you can mock the ill when they’re – un-ill.
Nothing says “love” and “healing” quite like getting a laugh out of your PFL’s misery…then sharing it on teh interwebz.
01 Feb 10
11:54 am
OOooohhhh, yes. My honey pooped the bed after an unlucky encounter with a salmon burger….talk about misery. I felt sooooo bad for him. I was just about to take him to the hospital…then his fever broke. Scary shit. Literally.
01 Feb 10
12:44 pm
Ha! Poor poor MC.
FP is really the pits, I had it the last time we were in LA for the weekend and it SUCKED. Was also begging for death, luckily Baby took wonderful care of me and didn’t mock me even once!
01 Feb 10
5:32 pm
Amy – yours sounds even worse than ours – and I didn’t think that was possible!
ETK – thankfully it was he who started the joking (thereby giving me free reign) by coming out of the bathroom and asking if I wanted a kiss. Love that man of mine!
01 Feb 10
6:18 pm
Thank you honey for taking care of me in my time of need. And for waiting till the next day to poke fun at me.
01 Feb 10
7:14 pm
Haha. Oh dear.
I’m really surprised I haven’t seen more comics picking at WebMD’s language/descriptions.
02 Feb 10
2:52 pm
Comparing notes with The Mc now. We ate the same thing Friday afternoon, but there were a few others in my circle that had the smae issues. Might be a virus and not FP?
02 Feb 10
4:44 pm
Tessa – there’s an RSS I’d subscribe to!
K – yeah, was talking to someone else who was there and not feeling well this weekend. Hmmm. A buddy told me about some bug that did the same thing – hits you like a wall of bricks then you’re fine the next afternoon he said. Who knew? It was evil. It came from beyond.
09 Feb 10
11:19 pm
So, are you going to tell us the news yet? Jon the performer told me what I think is “the news,” but what he said didn’t work out, so I hope it wasn’t/isn’t. Hope y’all are well. You’re missed.